April
27

Success

Posted In: Golden Years by LoneWolf

It seems that as we go through life, what we consider success changes (along with lots of other things).  The following life chart describes these phases of human existence.

Age Success is …
2 Remembering everyone’s name
3 Not peeing in your pants
9 Having friends
16 Having your driver’s license
21 Working a part time job
35 Having money
50 Having money
65 Working a part time job
74 Having your driver’s license
81 Having friends
93 Not peeing in your pants
102 Remembering everyone’s name

See more Cookie Crumbles about aging in the Golden Years.

April
20

R.A.S.H.This sampling of Random Acts of Senseless Humour has been brought to you by the number 7 and the letter R.

7 Things You Can Laugh About Right Now!

  1. When two egotists meet they will see I to I.
  2. A shotgun wedding is a matter of wife or death.
  3. The chicken crossing the road is still poultry in motion.
  4. Small Medium at Large (newspaper headline when midget fortune teller escapes from prison).
  5. Pay your exorcist promptly to avoid repossession.
  6. You can’t beat a boiled egg!
  7. Less is sometimes more — if you don’t learn your lesson, you might be a moron.

R You Ready for This?

A guy went to a costume party with his girlfriend riding piggyback.  The host asked him why he didn’t wear a costume.  “But I did,” he replied.  “I’m a snail.”  He pointed to his girlfriend and said “This is Michelle.”

People who jump off of bridges in Paris might be in Seine.

Have you ever had trouble finding camouflaged pants?

The Invisible Man found a lovely invisible woman to marry.  They’ve had 2 children, but they’re nothing to look at.

If I’m so good looking, why do I need glasses?

Shalom
LoneWolf

Other R.A.S.H. Posts:

March 2009

May 2009

April
17

CTV is has asked the creator of one of its most popular shows to dip into the creative ooze once again to find another golden nugget.  Brent Butt has been tasked to come up with a new show idea for the popular Canadian network.

Given CTV’s poaching of the Hockey Night in Canada theme song last year, it is only natural that Brett would approach Don Cherry and Ron McLean to be part of this new venture.  While there has been little news of what the show would be about, speculation abounds.  Many believe that the show will center about a small town hockey czar (played by Cherry), his unmotivated son (Butt) and his fun loving business manager (McLean).

There will be a fair amount of punny humour as well as battles for hand position.  We can also expect cameos by such notables as Doug Gilmour and Kirk Muller, complete with cheek kissing.

When pressed for a possible title for the new series, Brett was non-committal.  However, an unnamed source said that she heard Brett mutter “I wonder how people would feel about Coach’s Corner Gas?”

There's gonna be a dress code in this here new show...

There's gonna be a dress code in this here new show...

[No Canadians were harmed in the making of this post]

April
10

Have you ever wondered how the Easter Bunny got started in his career? This candid picture may help explain things.

			         .-'-.           ________________________
			         \   |   ____   /                        \
			          \  |  /    ) (  Eggs??  Where the heck  )
			           \ | / .-'"   \_    are my carrots?!   /
			           _\|/.'   o()(__)_____________________/
			          /_____\_
			         /'----|_/_
			        |          0
			         \    __::/ _    __@__
			        /     \  H (_)  / _  _\
			       /    (_|_---|_/ /_(_)(_)\
			      /  \____  \.-'  /(_)(_)(_)\
			  _  /       )\_/    |/\\//\\//\\|
			 / \/  /   (/_       |/\\//\\//\\|
			 \_/\_(_______)      |/\\//\\//\\|
			                     """""""""""""
			    E A S T E R    T I M E    !!!

Happy Easter!

April
9

sidewalkends2Everyone has seen a 404 page on the web. You may not have known it was a 404 page, but that is what the “Error, page could not be found” pages are called by us pros. Each site can create its own version of this page (I guess the LoneWolf has to get busy and do something creative here too 8=) and some are very creative and funny.

This is one of the funniest ones I’ve come across and I think you’ll all like it too:

Things That Matter — 404

Make sure to check out the site while you’re there. They’ve got some fun images to check out.

If you have found any clever 404 pages out there share them in the comments!

April
8

SPAM

Posted In: ASCII Art by LoneWolf

Oh no! Now Cookie Crumbles is SPAMing!

 ==========================================
 | ,dP""8a "888888b,  d8b    "888b  ,888" |
 | 88b   "  888  d88 dPY8b    88Y8b,8888  |
 | `"Y8888a 888ad8P'dPaaY8b   88 Y88P888  |
 | a,   Y88 888    dP    Y8b  88  YP 888  |
 | `"8ad8P'a888a  a88a;*a888aa88a   a888a |
 |                ;*;;;;*;;;*;;;*,,       |
 |        _,---'':::';*;;;*;;;*;;*d;,     |
 |     .-'      ::::::::::';*;;*;dII;     |
 |   .' ,<<<,.  :::::::::::::::ffffff`.   |
 |  / ,<<<<<<<<,::::::::::::::::fffffI,\  |
 | .,<<<<<<<<<<I;:::::::::::::::ffffKIP", |
 | |<<<<<<<<<<dP;,?>;,::::::::::fffKKIP | |
 | ``<<<<<<<dP;;;;;\>>>>>;,::::fffKKIPf ' |
 |  \ `mYMMV?;;;;;;;\>>>>>>>>>,YIIPP"` /  |
 |   `. "":;;;;;;;;;i>>>>>>>>>>>>>,  ,'   |
 |     `-._``":;;;sP'`"?>>>>>=========.   |
 |         `---..._______...|<[Hormel |   |
 |                          `========='   |
 =====================================(FL)=

I stumbled across the wonderfully creative ASCII art and thought it would be great for my readers to enjoy. ASCII art and SPAM have come together in a humourous way for a change. Many of you may remember this can although the newer products have a different image.

I do not know who originally created this ASCII image, so if you have some idea, please let me know. And don’t forget that SPAM is a trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation.

And now for something completely different (apologies to Monty Python), check out the entire SPAM skit dialogue.

April
7

Lost Keys

Posted In: Blonde Jokes by LoneWolf

As Candi walked across the parking lot towards her car, she noticed that Bambi was crawling on her hands and knees half way across the lot.  Fearing for her friend’s health, she ran across the lot, pulling out her cell phone to call 911 if the need arose.

lostkeysThankfully, as she approached it became apparent that Bambi was not hurt in any way.  It turned out she was looking for something.

“You scared me!” Candi said to her friend as she approached.  “I thought you’d been mugged or something.”

“Oh, no.  I’ve just dropped my car keys,” Bambi replied.

“I’ll help you look,” Candi said.

So, the two young ladies spent 10 minutes looking around the parking lot for Bambi’s keys but they could not find them.

“This is frustrating,” said Bambi dejectedly.  “How am I going to get home?  How will I unlock the door?”  She was on the verge of tears.

“It will be okay,” said Candi.  “We’ll find them somehow.  Now, where exactly did you drop them?”

Bambi pointed to a spot in the parking lot that was about 30 feet away.  “They fell out of my hand right over there when I got them out of my purse.”

“Then why are we looking over here?” Candi asked.

“Well,” replied Bambi,  “The light here is much better.”

[Image by Gerbera]