Daryl’s friends enjoy playing practical jokes on him, so one day they decided to bring him to a new bar — a blonde bar.

Now, you need to be aware that Daryl is blind.  His friends like to play jokes on him that take advantage of this fact.  He has a great sense of humour and is very good natured about his friends pranks.  He even does the odd one himself.

So when they brought him into a new bar he figured something was up.  After they had led him up to the bar they all seemed to melt away.

Daryl ordered himself a beer and waited to see what was going to happen.

Nothing did.

He was starting to get a bit bored so he decided to strike up a conversation with the woman sitting next to him.  “Hi,” he said.  “Have you heard about the blonde who was …”

Before he could finish that sentence she interrupted him.  “Hold on there, sonny!  Before you finish what you’re about to say I need to explain something to you.”

“Okay,” Daryl replied.

“Now, I see that you are blind which is why I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt right now.”

Daryl could hear his friends giggling in the background so he knew that the prank was finally on.

“First of all,” continued his new friend, “I am a police officer and also the Division 23 boxing champion — and I happen to be blonde.  Debbi who served your beer back there is also blonde.  And the national kick-boxing champion.  Stella, over behind you, is a blonde professional wrestler.  On your left is Bambi, also blonde and a black belt in karate and jujitsu.  Finally, Mean Jean over there flirting with your friends is blonde.  She just got out of prison for assaulting her boyfriend who used to be a pro football player before she broke both of his legs.

“Now, given what I’ve just told you, are you sure that you want to continue with that joke?”

“I guess not,” replied Daryl.  “Thanks for warning me.  I’d hate to have to explain this joke 5 times.”

As Candi walked across the parking lot towards her car, she noticed that Bambi was crawling on her hands and knees half way across the lot.  Fearing for her friend’s health, she ran across the lot, pulling out her cell phone to call 911 if the need arose.

Thankfully, as she approached it became apparent that Bambi was not hurt in any way.  It turned out she was looking for something.

“You scared me!” Candi said to her friend as she approached.  “I thought you’d been mugged or something.”

“Oh, no.  I’ve just dropped my car keys,” Bambi replied.

“I’ll help you look,” Candi said.

So, the two young ladies spent 10 minutes looking around the parking lot for Bambi’s keys but they could not find them.

“This is frustrating,” said Bambi dejectedly.  “How am I going to get home?  How will I unlock the door?”  She was on the verge of tears.

“It will be okay,” said Candi.  “We’ll find them somehow.  Now, where exactly did you drop them?”

Bambi pointed to a spot in the parking lot that was about 30 feet away.  “They fell out of my hand right over there when I got them out of my purse.”

“Then why are we looking over here?” Candi asked.

“Well,” replied Bambi,  “The light here is much better.”

[Image by Gerbera]

Say hi to chainsaw

Willy wasn’t very happy.  After buying the property to build a house for his lovely new bride, he went out and bought a magnificent chain saw to help clear the building site.  He was bound and determined to construct the house of her dreams with his own two hands.  But this dang chainsaw just wasn’t cutting it — literally.

He’d been hard at it all day and he still hadn’t been able to fell a single tree.  It was time to head back to the shop and give them a piece of what passed for his mind!

“That dang saw you sold me ain’t worth a plug nickel!” Willy exclaimed to the shop owner.

“What’s the problem?” asked the owner.  “It’s a top of the line saw for homesteaders like yourself.”

“Well,” said Willy.  “I’ve been out there all day trying to clear my building site, but I haven’t been able to cut a single tree.”

“That doesn’t sound good,” replied the owner.  “Let me have a look at the saw.”

They went out to Willy’s truck and got the saw out of the back.  The shop owner spent a minute looking over the saw and, other than pine gum encrusted in the chain, it didn’t seem to have anything wrong with it.  With lightning quickness he pulled the starter cord and the saw roared into life.

Willy jumped back in surprise and his eyes bugged out of his head.  In alarm he cried, “What in the world is that noise?”

It's closer than you think!

Bambi and Chrissy were sitting in Bambi’s living room one winter’s evening, planning for their upcoming trip to Florida for March Break.

“It sure will be fun,” said Chrissy.  “I’m looking forward to meeting Tinkerbell.”

“I’m dreaming about seeing Cinderella,” Bambi replied with a dreamy look in her eyes.  “I love her dress.”

As they continued planning Chrissy happened to look out the window and spotted the full moon hanging just over the horizon.  “Look at how beautiful the moon is tonight!”

“Wow!” Bambi exclaimed as she looked up.  “It is so beautiful, the way it sparkles on the snow.  I bet that is just how it looked at the ball!”

“You know, it would be  fun to go to the moon,” said Chrissy.  “Do you think the moon is farther away than Florida?”

“Well, d’uh!” said Bambi.  “Can you even see Florida from here?”

[Disclosure: I used to be blonde before I went gray 8=]