A young man came home from college for Christmas.  On Christmas morning he unwrapped one very special gift.  On the box was a label that read “A Helpful Guide for the Starving Student”.  When he opened the box there was a Bible inside.  “Very funny,” he said to his parents.”

“It will help you when you are short on money,” his father replied.

“I’m sure it will,” he said, but he didn’t really believe it.

Several weeks later he was running low on funds so he e-mailed home, “Please send me some money.  I’m a bit short this week.”

“Read John 4:34” was the reply.

Frustrated that his parents wouldn’t send him some money, he borrowed some from his roommate.  The next week he had the same problem so he e-mailed them again.

“Read John 6:1 -15” was the reply.

“I guess it’s mac and cheese for supper this week,” he muttered to himself.

Two weeks later he was home for the weekend.

“Why didn’t you send any money when I asked?” he complained to his parents.

“Didn’t you use the Christmas gift we gave you?” asked his mother.

“Yeah,” he lied.  “I read it but it didn’t help.”

“Did you bring it with you?” asked his father.

“Yes,” he replied.  He dug it out of this backpack and gave it to his father.

His father opened the Bible to John 4 and handed it back to him.  To his utter dismay he saw a cheque for $100.00 taped to the page.

At the Electronic Fortune Cookie and Cookie Crumbles we really enjoy Christmas.  This is a special time for family and friends to celebrate love and life.  For many of us, it is also a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus.  For others there are other special religious or community events such as Hanukka or Kwanzaa.  Regardless of your beliefs, we’d like to wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukka, Happy Kwanzaa and/or Happy Holidays.

We wish that you will experience peace and joy in the coming year and that you will be blessed with health and propserity.

Buena Vista Acres (Image by bjearwicke at stock.xchng)

Marty, Sam and Bobby were sitting on the front porch at the Buena Vista Acres Retirement Apartments watching the sun set after another wonderful afternoon of golf.

As the sun was sinking Marty was complaining a little about the weather they had experienced during their round of golf.  “It was windy today, wasn’t it fellas?”

Sam thought for a second and then replied, “No, I do believe it’s Thursday.”

“Me too,” said Bobby.  “I could go for a beer.”

• Success
• We May Be Old But We’re Reliable

Although they were identical twins, Paul and Ivan Lessor were as different as could be on the inside.

Paul was a considerate and kind young man. He would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. Whenever someone needed a helping hand there was an excellent chance that Paul would be that hand. Everyone loved Paul.

Ivan was the opposite. He seemed to have a nose for trouble and found it as often as he could. He didn’t think twice about taking whatever he wanted. He was charming and smooth as a snake.

Other than their physical appearance, the only thing the brothers had in common was the love of Mary. They had both been in love with Mary since high school and she was torn between the two. One day Paul asked her to marry him. When Ivan got wind of it he showed up with a ring the same day.

“I have a decision to make,” Mary told them. “I will think about this for a week and then I will let you know.”

The week went by as Paul and Ivan fretted about who she would choose — sweet and kind Paul or selfish but charming Ivan.

Finally the week was up. Mary met with them and said “I’ve thought hard and long about this for a week. It isn’t an easy decision for me, but I have decided to marry Ivan.”

Paul was devastated. “Why?” he asked. “What could you possibly see in Ivan?”

“Well,” she replied “it basically came down to choosing the evil of two Lessors.”

My buddy Jim came over for dinner the other night.  Jim is hoping to be a standup comedian so after dinner he had us sit down for a command performance.

Don’t get me wrong, I really love Jim.  He is a great guy but his sense of humour is not.  He doesn’t seem to know whether something is funny or not and he has terrible timing.

If that wasn’t enough, his feet smell like rotting cabbage — even if you like cabbage I doubt you like rotting cabbage.

After his performance I was trying to think of something constructive and encouraging to say.  I mean, after all, he did have a few moments that were actually good.

But before I could say anything my precious daughter said, “Face it Uncle Jim — you think that you have a nose for comedy, but you just smell funny.”