A young man came home from college for Christmas.  On Christmas morning he unwrapped one very special gift.  On the box was a label that read “A Helpful Guide for the Starving Student”.  When he opened the box there was a Bible inside.  “Very funny,” he said to his parents.”

“It will help you when you are short on money,” his father replied.

“I’m sure it will,” he said, but he didn’t really believe it.

Several weeks later he was running low on funds so he e-mailed home, “Please send me some money.  I’m a bit short this week.”

“Read John 4:34” was the reply.

Frustrated that his parents wouldn’t send him some money, he borrowed some from his roommate.  The next week he had the same problem so he e-mailed them again.

“Read John 6:1 -15” was the reply.

“I guess it’s mac and cheese for supper this week,” he muttered to himself.

Two weeks later he was home for the weekend.

“Why didn’t you send any money when I asked?” he complained to his parents.

“Didn’t you use the Christmas gift we gave you?” asked his mother.

“Yeah,” he lied.  “I read it but it didn’t help.”

“Did you bring it with you?” asked his father.

“Yes,” he replied.  He dug it out of this backpack and gave it to his father.

His father opened the Bible to John 4 and handed it back to him.  To his utter dismay he saw a cheque for $100.00 taped to the page.

At the Electronic Fortune Cookie and Cookie Crumbles we really enjoy Christmas.  This is a special time for family and friends to celebrate love and life.  For many of us, it is also a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus.  For others there are other special religious or community events such as Hanukka or Kwanzaa.  Regardless of your beliefs, we’d like to wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukka, Happy Kwanzaa and/or Happy Holidays.

We wish that you will experience peace and joy in the coming year and that you will be blessed with health and propserity.


Farmer Bill was out checking fences when he saw a city slicker hunting on the crown land next to his farm.  As he watched, the hunter raised his shotgun and a shot rang out — “BANG!”

Seconds later, a duck fell to the ground about 10 feet inside Farmer Bill’s fence.  He figured he should check this out so he hopped back on the tractor and motored his way over.  As he pulled up the hunter was just climbing the fence.

“Howdy,” Farmer Bill called out as he stopped the tractor.  “I guess y’all can’t read very good.”

“What do you mean?” asked the hunter looking up in surprise.

“Well, I know that Trespassing is a pretty big word but No Hunting should be easy enough,” he replied as he pointed to the signs on the fence.

“Oh!” said the hunter.  “I’m not really trespassing.  I was hunting on the other side of the fence and my bird fell here so I’m just retrieving it.”

“It’s still trespassing,” said Farmer Bill.  “I reckon that bird is mine since it’s on my private property.”

The hunter started to get upset at this point.  “Now you listen to me you country bumpkin!  I’m Charles P. Worthington, and I’m a lawyer from the Toronto.  If you don’t let me retrieve my duck I’ll have you in court so fast …”

“Whoa there,” Farmer Bill interrupted.  “That ain’t the way we settle these little things out here.  No sir, we trade kicks.”

“What do you mean by that?” Charles asked.

“Well, when 2 people have a difference of legal opinion they take turns.  The first gets to kick the other 3 times.  Then the second gets to kick the first 3 times.  We keep on doing that until one gives up.”

Charles looked Farmer Bill up and down as he thought it over.  Now, Farmer Bill was not a big man and it was quite obvious that he was in his 80’s, so the lawyer figured that he could handle that.  “You’re on,” he said.  “Who goes first.”

“Well, since you’re the alleged trespasser then you’re the defense and I’m the prosecution.  The prosecution always goes first, right?”

“I guess so,” Charles replied.

Farmer Bill climbed slowly down from the tractor and walked over to the smug lawyer.  “Well Chuck, do you give up?”

“No way,” said Charles.

Now, there were two things that Charles P. Worthington had not factored into his assessment of Farmer Bill.  First, despite his obvious age, Farmer Bill had been working hard in the fields for over 70 years and was much stronger than he appeared.  Secondly, he hadn’t noticed that Farmer Bill was wearing cowboy boots.  When Farmer Bill’s right boot connected with his left knee, Charles crumbled to his knees in pain.

“How about now, Chuck?  Do you give up?” asked Farmer Bill.

Through gritted teeth Charles said “No!”

Farmer Bill planted a solid left boot into Charles’ right thigh causing an excruciating charley horse.  “Do you give up Chuck?” Farmer Bill asked with a smile.

“Never!” yelled Chuck defiantly.  “Bring it on old man!”

I’m sure you have a pretty good idea of where the next kick landed.   Charles fell to the ground, wracked with pain.  But he knew that he had to get up.  He couldn’t let this old country hick win!  He got his breath back and slowly stood up as Farmer Bill stood there, smiling.

“I’m gonna kick that smile off of your face,” Charles growled.  “You’ve taken on more than you can handle this time!”

“It’s okay Chuck,” said Farmer Bill.  “I give up — the duck is yours.”


In searching the web we often stumble upon a wonderful article and I just wanted to share one that I found at the “Snooty Primadonna” blog.  If you have boys, have ever been a boy or even know a boy, you’ll enjoy this post.

As Bill Cosby once said, “Those of you with children, and those without, you’ll understand”.

I hope that you enjoy it as much as I did!


Chit Chat

Posted In: Golden Years by LoneWolf
Shady Acres

Buena Vista Acres (Image by bjearwicke at stock.xchng)

Marty, Sam and Bobby were sitting on the front porch at the Buena Vista Acres Retirement Apartments watching the sun set after another wonderful afternoon of golf.

As the sun was sinking Marty was complaining a little about the weather they had experienced during their round of golf.  “It was windy today, wasn’t it fellas?”

Sam thought for a second and then replied, “No, I do believe it’s Thursday.”

“Me too,” said Bobby.  “I could go for a beer.”

See more Cookie Crumbles about aging in the Golden Years.


My 9 year old daughter is one of the smartest people that I know.  This past summer she was sharing her dream of owning Toys-R-Us or maybe starting her own toy store.

She was explaining about all the toys that she would have in the store and how they would all be really cheap so everyone could afford them.  Wouldn’t that be great!  It was with much regret that I tried to explain to her the realities of corporate life and we began to discuss the concept of shareholders.

After I explained to her that shareholders have an expectation of receiving profit (and usually as much as possible) and how that affects prices she looked at me and said “They shouldn’t be called shareholders — they should be called greedholders.”


Decision Time

Posted In: Funny Stories by LoneWolf

Although they were identical twins, Paul and Ivan Lessor were as different as could be on the inside.

Paul was a considerate and kind young man. He would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. Whenever someone needed a helping hand there was an excellent chance that Paul would be that hand. Everyone loved Paul.

Ivan was the opposite. He seemed to have a nose for trouble and found it as often as he could. He didn’t think twice about taking whatever he wanted. He was charming and smooth as a snake.

Other than their physical appearance, the only thing the brothers had in common was the love of Mary. They had both been in love with Mary since high school and she was torn between the two. One day Paul asked her to marry him. When Ivan got wind of it he showed up with a ring the same day.

“I have a decision to make,” Mary told them. “I will think about this for a week and then I will let you know.”

The week went by as Paul and Ivan fretted about who she would choose — sweet and kind Paul or selfish but charming Ivan.

Finally the week was up. Mary met with them and said “I’ve thought hard and long about this for a week. It isn’t an easy decision for me, but I have decided to marry Ivan.”

Paul was devastated. “Why?” he asked. “What could you possibly see in Ivan?”

“Well,” she replied “it basically came down to choosing the evil of two Lessors.”