Bernie and George have been best friends since the third grade.  For over seven decades they’ve been there for each other.  High school, the war, weddings, kids — they helped each other through everything that life could throw at them.


George and BernieImage from kalimevole at stock.xchng

Sunday afternoon dinner with the wives has been a tradition since the week after George’s honeymoon.  This week they are at Bernie’s house.  The ladies are in the kitchen for tea and gossip while the boys relax in the living room.

“Took the little woman to a wonderful new Italian place on Thursday,” said Bernie.

“That’s nice,” replied George.  “I’m lookin’ to take Gracie out someplace nice for the anniversary.  Would you recommend it?”

“Oh yeah,” said Bernie.  “This place is classy.  The food is great.  She’ll fall back in love with you.”

“Great.  What’s the name of the place?” asked George.

Bernie thought for a few seconds and said, “Dang this memory of mine — I’m forgetting everything lately.  It’s on the tip of my tongue.  Oh.  What is that flower, you know, the red one?”

“A tulip?”

“No, no.  The love one.  You know, Valentine’s Day?”

“Oh!  A rose.”

“Yeah!  That’s it.”  Bernie turns towards the kitchen and yells, “Rose!  What was the name of that restaurant?”

Image by Jeff Bucchino "The Wizard of Draws"

Image by Jeff Bucchino "The Wizard of Draws"

My youngest cub is 4 years old.  He has a very wonderful sense of humour.

While he is still figuring out how to tell jokes that make sense, he often comes up with brilliant observations of the world around us.

The other morning he crawled into bed with us and was welcomed by my regular morning flatulence.  It was a rather splendid work of art that morning and I remarked that my tuba lessons were really starting to pay off.

His reply was very much to the point.  “Daddy,” he said, “Please don’t play your two butts anymore!”


My good people … I missed my introduction R.A.S.H. May Edition!  But please, please, hear it now.  For I would lay rest to the grace in my tongue and speak plainly…” [apologies to A Knight’s Tale]

R.A.S.H.It seems that May has slipped into June and I’m just getting around to the May edition of R.A.S.H. Some things are Better Late Than Never™ and I hope that you agree that R.A.S.H. is one of them.  “And so, without further gilding the lily and with no more ado, I give you …”

Doctor! Doctor!

Paddy: This is so weird.  I keep seeing spots.
Jack: Have you seen the doctor?
Paddy: No, just spots.

My friend Gary was in a terrible accident.  The doctors needed to remove his left leg and arm.  Also, his left ear and eye.  Even his left you-know-what needed to be removed.  He’s all right now.

Jack: Doctor, after this surgery will I be able to play the violin?
Doctor:Sure, Jack. It’s a simple operation.
Jack: That’s great! I’ve always wanted to play the violin.

Acupuncture is a jab well done (we hope 8=)

Doctor:I’m afraid the news is bad, Paddy. You’ve got 6 months.
Paddy: That can’t be true doctor. I want a second opinion.
Doctor: Okay. You’re pretty ugly too.

Jack and Paddy took their dog to the vet.  “Hey Doc, our dog’s teeth are looking pretty gross.  What can we do for him?” asked Paddy.
“Let’s have a look,” said the vet. He picked up the dog and looked in his mouth. “Hmm. I think I’ll have to put him down.”
“What?” cried Jack. “Why do you need to put him down?”
“He’s too heavy for me to hold,” answered the vet.

I Don’t Mind, ‘Cause I’ve Lost Mine

I don’t suffer from insanity.  I enjoy every minute of it.

Out of my mind.  Back in 5 minutes.

I only smile because I have no clue about what’s really going on.

I’m not a paranoid schizophrenic — my other personality really is out to get me.

Only left handed people are truly in their right mind.

If someone with a split personality is threatening suicide is it considered a hostage situation?

“I like having a conversation with myself, but I hate it when I …”
“… finish my own sentences.”
“Stop that!”

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.


Make sure you check out the older editions too!

March 2009

April 2009