My good people … I missed my introduction R.A.S.H. May Edition!  But please, please, hear it now.  For I would lay rest to the grace in my tongue and speak plainly…” [apologies to A Knight’s Tale]

R.A.S.H.It seems that May has slipped into June and I’m just getting around to the May edition of R.A.S.H. Some things are Better Late Than Never™ and I hope that you agree that R.A.S.H. is one of them.  “And so, without further gilding the lily and with no more ado, I give you …”

Doctor! Doctor!

Paddy: This is so weird.  I keep seeing spots.
Jack: Have you seen the doctor?
Paddy: No, just spots.

My friend Gary was in a terrible accident.  The doctors needed to remove his left leg and arm.  Also, his left ear and eye.  Even his left you-know-what needed to be removed.  He’s all right now.

Jack: Doctor, after this surgery will I be able to play the violin?
Doctor:Sure, Jack. It’s a simple operation.
Jack: That’s great! I’ve always wanted to play the violin.

Acupuncture is a jab well done (we hope 8=)

Doctor:I’m afraid the news is bad, Paddy. You’ve got 6 months.
Paddy: That can’t be true doctor. I want a second opinion.
Doctor: Okay. You’re pretty ugly too.

Jack and Paddy took their dog to the vet.  “Hey Doc, our dog’s teeth are looking pretty gross.  What can we do for him?” asked Paddy.
“Let’s have a look,” said the vet. He picked up the dog and looked in his mouth. “Hmm. I think I’ll have to put him down.”
“What?” cried Jack. “Why do you need to put him down?”
“He’s too heavy for me to hold,” answered the vet.

I Don’t Mind, ‘Cause I’ve Lost Mine

I don’t suffer from insanity.  I enjoy every minute of it.

Out of my mind.  Back in 5 minutes.

I only smile because I have no clue about what’s really going on.

I’m not a paranoid schizophrenic — my other personality really is out to get me.

Only left handed people are truly in their right mind.

If someone with a split personality is threatening suicide is it considered a hostage situation?

“I like having a conversation with myself, but I hate it when I …”
“… finish my own sentences.”
“Stop that!”

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.


Make sure you check out the older editions too!

March 2009

April 2009


R.A.S.H.This sampling of Random Acts of Senseless Humour has been brought to you by the number 7 and the letter R.

7 Things You Can Laugh About Right Now!

  1. When two egotists meet they will see I to I.
  2. A shotgun wedding is a matter of wife or death.
  3. The chicken crossing the road is still poultry in motion.
  4. Small Medium at Large (newspaper headline when midget fortune teller escapes from prison).
  5. Pay your exorcist promptly to avoid repossession.
  6. You can’t beat a boiled egg!
  7. Less is sometimes more — if you don’t learn your lesson, you might be a moron.

R You Ready for This?

A guy went to a costume party with his girlfriend riding piggyback.  The host asked him why he didn’t wear a costume.  “But I did,” he replied.  “I’m a snail.”  He pointed to his girlfriend and said “This is Michelle.”

People who jump off of bridges in Paris might be in Seine.

Have you ever had trouble finding camouflaged pants?

The Invisible Man found a lovely invisible woman to marry.  They’ve had 2 children, but they’re nothing to look at.

If I’m so good looking, why do I need glasses?


Other R.A.S.H. Posts:

March 2009

May 2009


R.A.S.H.Welcome to the very first edition of R.A.S.H. (aka Random Acts of Senseless Humour).  I regularly stumble upon funny one-liners and other stuff that is too short for a blog post, but rather than miss out on the wonderful humour, I will post collections every once in a while in a R.A.S.H. like this.  I’m not sure how often this will be, but we’ll see as we go along.

The Funniest …

What do you call a fish with no eyes?  A fsh.

Two cannibals are having a clown for dinner.  “Hey!” says the first one.  “Does this taste funny to you?”

Bar None

Two men walk into a bar — which is weird.  You think the second one would have seen the first one do it and duck.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.  “Oops!” says the first one.  “I think I just lost my electron.”  “Are you sure?” asks the second.  “Yes, I’m positive.”

A termite walks into a bar and asks “Is the bar tender here?”

A dyslexic walks into a bra …

A sandwich walks into a bar.  “Sorry,” says the bartender.  “We don’t serve food here.”GiggleMouse

Two ropes walk into a bar.  “We don’t serve ropes here.” said the bartender.  Outside one rope gets the other to put a half hitch in him and unravels his ends.  When he goes back in the bartender asks “Hey!  Aren’t you a rope?”.  “No, I’m a frayed knot.”

A jumper cable walks into a bar.  The bartender says “Look buddy, we don’t want you starting anything …”

Stay tuned for more R.A.S.H. posts with topics like The PUNisher, Doctor, Doctor! and Pet Peeves.


Other R.A.S.H. Posts

April 2009

May 2009