My 9 year old daughter is one of the smartest people that I know. This past summer she was sharing her dream of owning Toys-R-Us or maybe starting her own toy store.
She was explaining about all the toys that she would have in the store and how they would all be really cheap so everyone could afford them. Wouldn’t that be great! It was with much regret that I tried to explain to her the realities of corporate life and we began to discuss the concept of shareholders.
After I explained to her that shareholders have an expectation of receiving profit (and usually as much as possible) and how that affects prices she looked at me and said “They shouldn’t be called shareholders — they should be called greedholders.”
Although they were identical twins, Paul and Ivan Lessor were as different as could be on the inside.
Paul was a considerate and kind young man. He would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. Whenever someone needed a helping hand there was an excellent chance that Paul would be that hand. Everyone loved Paul.
Ivan was the opposite. He seemed to have a nose for trouble and found it as often as he could. He didn’t think twice about taking whatever he wanted. He was charming and smooth as a snake.
Other than their physical appearance, the only thing the brothers had in common was the love of Mary. They had both been in love with Mary since high school and she was torn between the two. One day Paul asked her to marry him. When Ivan got wind of it he showed up with a ring the same day.
“I have a decision to make,” Mary told them. “I will think about this for a week and then I will let you know.”
The week went by as Paul and Ivan fretted about who she would choose — sweet and kind Paul or selfish but charming Ivan.
Finally the week was up. Mary met with them and said “I’ve thought hard and long about this for a week. It isn’t an easy decision for me, but I have decided to marry Ivan.”
Paul was devastated. “Why?” he asked. “What could you possibly see in Ivan?”
“Well,” she replied “it basically came down to choosing the evil of two Lessors.”
My buddy Jim came over for dinner the other night. Jim is hoping to be a standup comedian so after dinner he had us sit down for a command performance.
Don’t get me wrong, I really love Jim. He is a great guy but his sense of humour is not. He doesn’t seem to know whether something is funny or not and he has terrible timing.
If that wasn’t enough, his feet smell like rotting cabbage — even if you like cabbage I doubt you like rotting cabbage.
After his performance I was trying to think of something constructive and encouraging to say. I mean, after all, he did have a few moments that were actually good.
But before I could say anything my precious daughter said, “Face it Uncle Jim — you think that you have a nose for comedy, but you just smell funny.”
