July
28

Judge's gavelPaul stood before the judge, remorseful and feeling somewhat ashamed.  The judge was reading the document that had be placed before him regarding Paul’s case.  After a few moments of reading he looked up at Paul.

“Young man,” the judge said.  “This says that you have been charged with assault.  Is that correct?”

“Yes, Your Honour,” Paul replied.

“Well, assault is a serious offense.  It says here that you beat up your best friend.  I would like to hear your story.”

“It’s true.  My best friend, Jim, is the victim.  I broke his nose,” said Paul.

“Well, start at the beginning,” said the judge.

“Okay.  Jim and I have been friends for about 10 years now, since high school.  When we graduated I went into the family business.  We run a wholesale and retail flower business.

“Jim used to tease me about the business.  He would talk about how macho it is to run a flower shop.  It really started to bug me, so I talked to him about it.  I guess this was 2 or 3 years ago.  He was sorry about it and promised to stop teasing me.”

“And this is relevant to the assult?” asked the judge.

“Yes, Your Honour,” Paul continued.  “You see, on the night that this all happened, I had Jim and some other friends over for a Tom Hanks movie fest.  We were watching 3 of our favourites back to back.  The second movie happened to be Forrest Gump.”

“I loved that movie,” said the judge.  “‘Stupid is as stupid does.’ and all that.”

“Yes,” said Paul.  “Lot’s of memorable lines in that movie.  And that’s actually where the trouble started.

“After the movie was done, I headed over to the bar.  I asked everyone if they would like something to drink.  And then Jim jumped up and yelled ‘Rum, florist! Rum!'”


Gavel image by creationc at stock.xchng
November
8

Paddy and Jack were on their very first solo flight.  [We’re not entirely sure who actually gave them their license, but we’re sure that they’ve been fired already.]  They were flying into the small airfield at Pugsleyville.

You know how to land this thing, right?

You know how to land this thing, right?

“This is a lot of fun, Jackie,” Paddy said as they were soaring over the countryside.  “I think I can see Old Man Jackson’s barn down there.”

“I think you’re right,” Jack replied.  They swooped down lower for a closer look.  Sure enough, Old Man Jackson came running out of the barn, waving a shotgun at them.

“Yep, that’s him alright!” Jack said.

The boys laughed as they continued their flight.  Soon Pugsleyville came into view.  They could see the airfield straight ahead.

“Paddy,” said Jack.  “I do believe we’ve got a bit of a problem here.”

“What is it brother?”

“Well, the runway looks a little bit short.”

“All these other planes seem to have landed okay.”

“Yeah, but it still seems shorter than the one back in Dogstown.”

“It does, at that,” Paddy replied.  “Maybe we better work together on this one.”

“Yeah.  I’ll make sure I put her down right at the very beginning of the runway,” said Jack.

“Okay, then I’ll throw the engine into full reverse,” said Paddy.

“And together we’ll both hit the brakes with all we’ve got,” continued Jack.

So they brought the little plane in right at the very edge of the runway, just perfect.  Paddy threw the engine into reverse and they both stomped on the brake pedals.  The engine raced and the propeller nearly came off as it suddenly changed direction.  The wheels screamed and smoked as the brakes locked them up.  Jack and Paddy watched and prayed as the end of the runway loomed quickly closer and closer.

Thankfully, they pulled to a complete stop with the nose gear just kissing the far end of the runway.  With a sigh of relief, they relaxed and looked around.

“Well, ” said Paddy.  “This runway sure is short, but would you get a load of how wide it is!”

Image by maciek80 at stock.xchg
September
6

We're in So Much Trouble!

Posted In: Kids by LoneWolf

Bobby and Ralph started down the road to being trouble makers when they were 7 years old.  Being twins, and being boys, they were always finding new and exciting ways to cause havoc for their parents and teachers.  Finally, mom and dad decided that they needed to get some outside help.

A quick call to the pastor got the ball rolling.

“Please, Pastor Tim, can you help us with the boys?” mom asked after explaining what the boys had been getting up to.

“I understand your dilemma,” the pastor said.  “I deal with a lot of young boys that just need a nudge in the right direction.”

The next day, mom brought the boys into the church after school.  The boys sat in the lobby (not very quietly I might add) waiting as mom talked with the pastor for a moment.

“I’d like to deal with the boys individually at first,” said Pastor Tim.  “Then I can talk to them together.  Let’s start with Ralph.”

Mom came out of the office and sent Ralph in to see the pastor.

“Have a seat, Ralph.” said the pastor.

Ralph was a little bit nervous.  He’d never been in to see the pastor before. He quietly sat in the chair in front of the pastor’s desk.

“I know that you and your brother are only trying to have fun, but you need to learn that there are reasons for the rules we have,” said the pastor.  “Do you know where God is?”

Ralph was silent.  He stared at his shoes.

“Son,” said the pastor.  “I asked you a question.  Do you know where God is?”

There was still no answer from Ralph.  He simply fidgeted nervously in his seat.  Pastor Tim wondered why this young boy was being so rude.

“Ralph.  Where is God?” he asked a third time.

Ralph couldn’t take it any longer.  Tears streamed from his eyes as he bolted from the office.

“We’ve gotta make a break for it Bobby!” he screamed as he ran through the lobby.  “God’s missing and they think we did it!”


Thanks to my buddy Neal for reminding me of this wonderful story!